Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
