Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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