I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
