its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
