do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
