Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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