At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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