1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
