It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
