Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
