It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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