opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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