my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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