drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
