I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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