its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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