My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
