What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
