I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
