you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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