Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
