i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
