All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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