so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
