oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
