Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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