You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
