it's like heaven, but drunker
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
