You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
