You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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