When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
