It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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