He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
