if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
