When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
