Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
