Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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