I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
