It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
