Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
