we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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