GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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