So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
