So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just gift wrapped bread.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
