We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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