There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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