We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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