Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
