My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
