I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
