New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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