i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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